Live Stoners Live Stoner Chat - Oct-Dec '21

[EP3]

I lost my Dad 2 years ago now, I feel your pain, emotions and memories. There are many days I think to myself, "wish Dad was here".
Peace and love
EP3

 

[420Forever]

I could really use that hug.

ppp

 

[Suki]

Thanks for the rep @Mossy and sorry to be such a downer. This time of year is hard for me, he got really sick in September, got better for a bit, then lost his older brother and kinda lost his will. He got to come home from the hospital at least, and refused hospice cause he had no intention of dying but losing his brother broke his spirit. I don't even remember the date to be completely honest, I just know it was the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Its been 5 years and the fall and the holidays are just really hard in general now. He lasted a lot longer than anyone expected, he lived with 30% lung function for almost 20 years after they discovered his COPD. The ripple effects are hard to shake though. Grandma couldn't bring herself to check for a pulse that morning, she woke me up and had me do it. When I looked up after her she could tell from my face he was gone and the sound she made was just this primal sound of a wounded animal and I will never forget it. The pain in that sound made me terrified to ever love anyone like they loved each other and now that I do there is just this constant voice way in the back of my head telling me that one day I'll feel that pain as well. They were together for more than 60 years, and I know I'll not get nearly that long. I don't think any amount of time will ever be enough honestly, as humans we will always long for just a little more.

My day is all but shot at this point, thankfully there was nothing pressing I needed to do today because even getting out of bed feels like too much right now.

 

[Mossy]

Sorry for the dump but I needed to get it out and I knew I wouldn't be able to make it through trying to vocalize it all to hubby.

You haven't Grieved fully until you can Think of them and Smile.... ..or even laugh at shared memories @Suki813

I'd Normally suggest find a Quiet time....but I'm not sure you do quiet time......so find the quietest time you have...

Usually have a couple of drinks to loosen up...or a good smoke.....so get as chilled as you can...and Write him a Letter....

Tell him everything he meant to you...how much you Loved him..update him on the kids..the new house...everything you would have said if he was still here.

Expect to get upset....but that is part of the process.


Repeat as often an necessary.

Pick a day..xmas..his birthday...something Special to him....and repeat yearly if you need to...

 

[Kyote]

Thanks for the rep @Mossy and sorry to be such a downer. This time of year is hard for me, he got really sick in September, got better for a bit, then lost his older brother and kinda lost his will. He got to come home from the hospital at least, and refused hospice cause he had no intention of dying but losing his brother broke his spirit. I don't even remember the date to be completely honest, I just know it was the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Its been 5 years and the fall and the holidays are just really hard in general now. He lasted a lot longer than anyone expected, he lived with 30% lung function for almost 20 years after they discovered his COPD. The ripple effects are hard to shake though. Grandma couldn't bring herself to check for a pulse that morning, she woke me up and had me do it. When I looked up after her she could tell from my face he was gone and the sound she made was just this primal sound of a wounded animal and I will never forget it. The pain in that sound made me terrified to ever love anyone like they loved each other and now that I do there is just this constant voice way in the back of my head telling me that one day I'll feel that pain as well. They were together for more than 60 years, and I know I'll not get nearly that long. I don't think any amount of time will ever be enough honestly, as humans we will always long for just a little more.

My day is all but shot at this point, thankfully there was nothing pressing I needed to do today because even getting out of bed feels like too much right now.

 

[Suki]

You haven't Grieved fully until you can Think of them and Smile.... ..or even laugh at shared memories @Suki813

I'd Normally suggest find a Quiet time....but I'm not sure you do quiet time......so find the quietest time you have...

Usually have a couple of drinks to loosen up...or a good smoke.....so get as chilled as you can...and Write him a Letter....

Tell him everything he meant to you...how much you Loved him..update him on the kids..the new house...everything you would have said if he was still here.

Expect to get upset....but that is part of the process.


Repeat as often an necessary.

Pick a day..xmas..his birthday...something Special to him....and repeat yearly if you need to...

Sometimes I feel like maybe I just wasn't allowed to. I came home from work the day after because I wasn't able to focus and they told me I shouldn't have even come in. When my mom and grandma came home from the funeral home they were angry with me and told me I had no reason to be in bed over it. I had done everything the day before in robot mode, called the non emergency to come and get him, called home health, called family members to let them know. Grandma was a wreck so it was all on me. Wrote a long post to notify the family and his obituary as well. They didn't let me feel any sort of way about any of it, I guess they were the only ones allowed to be upset. I've not been back to his grave since the funeral, I just can't bear it cause it makes it feel too real. My husband reminds me of him often and it still hurts. Random strangers sometimes too. Like my guy at the hardware store. He always knows just what to do to fix things and that's always how my grandpa was as well. Usually I'm ok, but man when it hits it really messes me up for a while. #1 was in 1st grade when it happened and he wrote a note to put in his pocket before they buried him saying that he missed him and promising that he would be a good boy. He's such a sensitive kid, times like these I want to talk to him about him but I don't want to make him sad or have him take on my pain as well cause thats just how he is. So I sort of just shut myself in and deal with it alone because no one else would understand. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him in his box at the viewing or the funeral, the last time I saw him was in his bed and he just looked like he was sleeping.

Thank you all for your kindness and letting me just get it all out.

 

[Darth_vader]

Anyone know of an alternate to hydrogard?

 

[Cave Dirt Cody]

 

[Frank the Dank]

Yup

 

[Mañ'O'Green]

Good Morfnoevight All!

My sinus have been killing me the last few days. I have more allergies in the fall than the spring - molds!

Yeah suki
My sinuses have been giving me pure hell the last few days.

Which actually relates to what I was planning on saying once I got caught up.

I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this, and yall are who I talk to most after hubby so im gonna just dump it on you, sorry.

Ended up going back to sleep this morning and spent most of the time dreaming about my grandpa. Every once in a while I'll have these dreams where he's back and I'm cognizant of the fact that he's gone in real life. Usually they're super fleeting and something will wake me up when I'm having them (usually the pup or hubby cause my body tends to cry while they're happening) but nothing did this time. I don't remember all of it but I know he told me to stop blaming myself (I was the one who got his CPAP situated on him the night he left), he got to see little miss dance and was so tickled by the fact that she is so passionate about it and that she was able to work hard enough to get into Nutcracker. He was thrilled to know that #2 started playing baseball and was loving it; his dad played for the Yankees back in the 30s before he passed suddenly. He was happy to see that #1 was finally starting to be happy again, and that he had fallen in love with art. He told me that he approved of hubby, that he was glad that I'd found a genuinely good person who made me legitimately happy and who treats me and the kids well. I told him that I had realized that he had been the only adult in my life who really truly cared about me and accepted me for exactly who I was, no matter how many stupid choices I had made or how badly I had messed up. I told him that the boys and I missed him terribly (little miss was only 2 when he left and just doesn't really remember him). He absolutely adored them when he was here and it just kills me that he doesn't get to be here to watch them grow up. I showed him the house and he was so tickled to see everything I've been doing to upgrade it but sad he wasn't here to help me with it. I'm sure there was more but they fade so quickly. I just wish I was able to give him a hug. For some reason I've never been able to touch him in any of the dream I've had that he's been in.

So yeah, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out but I'll be ok. I just miss him so fucking much and I could really use that hug.

Anyone know of an alternate to hydrogard?

Why do you need an alterrnative? It is the only product I have personally used and can vouch for - for root health in hydro and prevention of anaerobic microbes in soil.