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Just down the road, that's where I will always be, maybe tomorrow I will want ro settle down. Lol
EP3
Live Stoner Chat Live Stoner Chat - Oct-Dec '21
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Just down the road, that's where I will always be, maybe tomorrow I will want ro settle down. Lol
EP3
Modernviking
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I grew up watching them, but on boomerang, not when they originally airedAre you another old geezer who grew up with these shows? They would have been good with weed
Which actually relates to what I was planning on saying once I got caught up.
I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this, and yall are who I talk to most after hubby so im gonna just dump it on you, sorry.
Ended up going back to sleep this morning and spent most of the time dreaming about my grandpa. Every once in a while I'll have these dreams where he's back and I'm cognizant of the fact that he's gone in real life. Usually they're super fleeting and something will wake me up when I'm having them (usually the pup or hubby cause my body tends to cry while they're happening) but nothing did this time. I don't remember all of it but I know he told me to stop blaming myself (I was the one who got his CPAP situated on him the night he left), he got to see little miss dance and was so tickled by the fact that she is so passionate about it and that she was able to work hard enough to get into Nutcracker. He was thrilled to know that #2 started playing baseball and was loving it; his dad played for the Yankees back in the 30s before he passed suddenly. He was happy to see that #1 was finally starting to be happy again, and that he had fallen in love with art. He told me that he approved of hubby, that he was glad that I'd found a genuinely good person who made me legitimately happy and who treats me and the kids well. I told him that I had realized that he had been the only adult in my life who really truly cared about me and accepted me for exactly who I was, no matter how many stupid choices I had made or how badly I had messed up. I told him that the boys and I missed him terribly (little miss was only 2 when he left and just doesn't really remember him). He absolutely adored them when he was here and it just kills me that he doesn't get to be here to watch them grow up. I showed him the house and he was so tickled to see everything I've been doing to upgrade it but sad he wasn't here to help me with it. I'm sure there was more but they fade so quickly. I just wish I was able to give him a hug. For some reason I've never been able to touch him in any of the dream I've had that he's been in.
So yeah, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out but I'll be ok. I just miss him so fucking much and I could really use that hug.
I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this, and yall are who I talk to most after hubby so im gonna just dump it on you, sorry.
Ended up going back to sleep this morning and spent most of the time dreaming about my grandpa. Every once in a while I'll have these dreams where he's back and I'm cognizant of the fact that he's gone in real life. Usually they're super fleeting and something will wake me up when I'm having them (usually the pup or hubby cause my body tends to cry while they're happening) but nothing did this time. I don't remember all of it but I know he told me to stop blaming myself (I was the one who got his CPAP situated on him the night he left), he got to see little miss dance and was so tickled by the fact that she is so passionate about it and that she was able to work hard enough to get into Nutcracker. He was thrilled to know that #2 started playing baseball and was loving it; his dad played for the Yankees back in the 30s before he passed suddenly. He was happy to see that #1 was finally starting to be happy again, and that he had fallen in love with art. He told me that he approved of hubby, that he was glad that I'd found a genuinely good person who made me legitimately happy and who treats me and the kids well. I told him that I had realized that he had been the only adult in my life who really truly cared about me and accepted me for exactly who I was, no matter how many stupid choices I had made or how badly I had messed up. I told him that the boys and I missed him terribly (little miss was only 2 when he left and just doesn't really remember him). He absolutely adored them when he was here and it just kills me that he doesn't get to be here to watch them grow up. I showed him the house and he was so tickled to see everything I've been doing to upgrade it but sad he wasn't here to help me with it. I'm sure there was more but they fade so quickly. I just wish I was able to give him a hug. For some reason I've never been able to touch him in any of the dream I've had that he's been in.
So yeah, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out but I'll be ok. I just miss him so fucking much and I could really use that hug.
I love having those dreams because I get to see him and hear his voice but damn if I don't feel like the wound of losing him gets ripped wide open every time they happen. I'm generally pretty good at compartmentalizing my stuff and I don't get super emotional often, but these dreams bring all the things I felt when he left back to front and center.
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