Live Stoners TELL ME A JOKE
- Thread starter stepside
- Start date
Monty Kelly, a rich man who lived near Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia decided that he wanted to throw a party. So he invited his buddies including Darel, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.
The party was held around the pool in the backyard of Monty's mansion. Everyone was having a good time dancing, eating prawns, oysters and drinking and flirting.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 16ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'
The words were barely out of Monty's mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Darel in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Darel and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Darel strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.
Darel then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The Monty says, 'Well, Darel, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Darel.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about a new car?'
'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Darel.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Rolex watch and some stock options? Again, Darel said "No."
Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Darel, then what do you want?
Darel said, 'I just want the b****** who pushed me in.'
The party was held around the pool in the backyard of Monty's mansion. Everyone was having a good time dancing, eating prawns, oysters and drinking and flirting.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 16ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'
The words were barely out of Monty's mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Darel in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Darel and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Darel strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.
Darel then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The Monty says, 'Well, Darel, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Darel.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about a new car?'
'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Darel.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Rolex watch and some stock options? Again, Darel said "No."
Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Darel, then what do you want?
Darel said, 'I just want the b****** who pushed me in.'
Hot Buttered Corn
Corn on the Cob
Two hobos were walking down a farm road, and passing a farmhouse, when one of them spotted two pies cooling on an open window sill.
The first hobo says to the second, “I’m gonna go ask to see if we can get one of those pies. You wait here, okay?” The second hobo nods and waits out of sight, salivating at the thought of eating some pie.
The first hobo knocks on the door, which is soon answered by an ugly old woman. “Ma’am, I spotted those pies on the window sill and was wondering if I could get one of them from you? I’ll work for it, if need be.” The old woman responded with “Follow me into the kitchen.”
Once they were both in the kitchen, the old woman said “I haven’t had a man in many years, since my husband passed away. I’ll give you both of those pies if you’ll have sex with me right here, right now.” The hobo thought about it while looking around. He spotted some ears of corn on the counter near the window and had an idea.
“Well, if you’ll just turn around and bend over across the kitchen table, I’ll take care of you,” said the hobo. The old woman, excited as she was, complied instantly by pulling off her clothes and doing exactly as the hobo said.
The hobo reached behind his back, grabbed an ear of corn, shoved it in and serviced the old woman with it for at least 5 minutes. When he saw that the kernels were all soft and wet, he tossed it out the window. The old woman screamed “More, more!”
The hobo grabbed another ear and another for the next 30 minutes. When the old woman indicated she was satisfied, she turned around and said “Okay, I promised the pies to you. Go ahead and take them. Thank you for the pleasure of your company.”
The hobo grabbed the pies and headed out the door and found his friend near the window sill. “Hey,” he said, “here are the pies. Let’s go eat.” The other hobo looked at him and said “No thanks, I’m full. I just ate a whole bunch of hot buttered corn.”
Corn on the Cob
Two hobos were walking down a farm road, and passing a farmhouse, when one of them spotted two pies cooling on an open window sill.
The first hobo says to the second, “I’m gonna go ask to see if we can get one of those pies. You wait here, okay?” The second hobo nods and waits out of sight, salivating at the thought of eating some pie.
The first hobo knocks on the door, which is soon answered by an ugly old woman. “Ma’am, I spotted those pies on the window sill and was wondering if I could get one of them from you? I’ll work for it, if need be.” The old woman responded with “Follow me into the kitchen.”
Once they were both in the kitchen, the old woman said “I haven’t had a man in many years, since my husband passed away. I’ll give you both of those pies if you’ll have sex with me right here, right now.” The hobo thought about it while looking around. He spotted some ears of corn on the counter near the window and had an idea.
“Well, if you’ll just turn around and bend over across the kitchen table, I’ll take care of you,” said the hobo. The old woman, excited as she was, complied instantly by pulling off her clothes and doing exactly as the hobo said.
The hobo reached behind his back, grabbed an ear of corn, shoved it in and serviced the old woman with it for at least 5 minutes. When he saw that the kernels were all soft and wet, he tossed it out the window. The old woman screamed “More, more!”
The hobo grabbed another ear and another for the next 30 minutes. When the old woman indicated she was satisfied, she turned around and said “Okay, I promised the pies to you. Go ahead and take them. Thank you for the pleasure of your company.”
The hobo grabbed the pies and headed out the door and found his friend near the window sill. “Hey,” he said, “here are the pies. Let’s go eat.” The other hobo looked at him and said “No thanks, I’m full. I just ate a whole bunch of hot buttered corn.”
Your mums like a bowling ball. .... You finger her three times, throw her down the alley and she still comes back for more.
What happened to the blonde woman who tried to blow her ex hubby's car up?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust!
What happened to the blonde woman who tried to blow her ex hubby's car up?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust!
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Two pubic hairs stuck on the side of the toilet bowl.
Says the blond pube....."How long you thinking of staying around ?"
Says the dark pube....."Aw I dunno, until I get pissed off I guess !"
eP.
Says the blond pube....."How long you thinking of staying around ?"
Says the dark pube....."Aw I dunno, until I get pissed off I guess !"
eP.
MikeyB420
Naughty Step Holder
An oldie but, it always makes me chuckle!
Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned. One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!" The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, it's this low fucking handrail that's killing me."
Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned. One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!" The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, it's this low fucking handrail that's killing me."
stepside
Seriously stoned
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That's the spirit guys 
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her??
Rearranged the furniture
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her??
Left a plunger in the toilet!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her??
Rearranged the furniture
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her??
Left a plunger in the toilet!
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2013
- Messages
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- 20
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- 19,041
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- Age
- 60
- Currently Smoking
- Kippers for breakfast
"I don't know how old I am ?"
"waddya think ?"
"Maybe five or six"
"What do you know about sex ?"
"Nothing!"
"Your Five ...."
"waddya think ?"
"Maybe five or six"
"What do you know about sex ?"
"Nothing!"
"Your Five ...."
