I completely understand my friend. It’s a totally valid way to feel, and anyone would feel the same way in your shoes. I certainly have.
You have to know that improvement will come as you heal, and unfortunately that takes time. They’ll get the GI stuff worked out, eventually. I know how hard it is to be laid up, busted up, and with a brain that can only focus on what was, how dire the situation is. It’s very hard to control your own thoughts, but in this instance…it’s very important to try, my friend.
You are not your body, you are your consciousness….your body is just a loaner meat vehicle you’ll drop one day …. Those thoughts you’re having, while true….aren’t worth spending time on. Throw those thoughts back into the river of thoughts, and find a positive outlook. I know it sounds trite….. but it’s what I’ve found that works in the darkest of situations. It’s what the reggae music is about, all of it. You must fight to find a positive way of viewing the situation, of KNOWING that not only will you make a recovery, but that you’ll be stronger and better for it in the long run….
You are focusing on what’s missing. Focus on what is…here and now.
Broken? Good…. You can heal back better. Jobless? Good…. More time for healing, and to find what’s next….Stuck in bed? Good…. Plenty of time to work on and strengthen your mindset. No sex? Good….. now you can finally focus on the rest of life without that sweet, pink distraction. No money? Good…. No more worries of going broke. Now you can explore ways to make money with your brain rather than your body. No good food? Good…. Imagine how good food will be in the future after you’ve reset your palate.
My point is….. nothing is fucked here dude. This is a chance for a hard reset…. You’re in the midst of a life changing event. Change. Roll with the punches and look at what’s next, not what was. I’ve been where you are and understand how incredibly hard it is…. And I also understand that words are words and they’re hard to hear when you’re in it. Consider them. Figure this out. You’ll get stronger in ways that are unimaginable through this. But you can’t let it break you. You must FIGHT.
A smart dude once said “when you think you’re totally fucked, you’re actually only forty percent fucked….” Your brain, your mindset will carry you through this…. You just have to meet it halfway my friend. Deep breaths, never give up. Every day the healing continues is a day closer to true healing. You just gotta get there….
... you've done well to get as far as you have without major depression.