Live Stoners TELL ME A JOKE

[Duckster]

How I lost my teeth.....

I was in the "Texas Rose" tavern last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old hog of a girl came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt.

She said, “Hey sexy, I dig old guys -- how about giving me your number.”

I looked at her and said, “Have you got a pen.”

She said, “I sure do.

"I said, “Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”

…My dental surgery is on Monday.

 

[stepside]

How I lost my teeth.....

I was in the "Texas Rose" tavern last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old hog of a girl came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt.

She said, “Hey sexy, I dig old guys -- how about giving me your number.”

I looked at her and said, “Have you got a pen.”

She said, “I sure do.

"I said, “Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”

…My dental surgery is on Monday.

Priceless

 

[TEKGROW]

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband,

“Shut up…you’re next!”​

Haha. Haaaa[emoji109] [emoji33]

 

[TEKGROW]

A mudda stunt ehh

 

[TEKGROW]

What a cunning stunt!
​

Bumbooooo

Spoonerisms were the creation of Betty Swollocks in 1853. [emoji14]

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs laying in a ditch??



Phil

How I lost my teeth.....

I was in the "Texas Rose" tavern last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old hog of a girl came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt.

She said, “Hey sexy, I dig old guys -- how about giving me your number.”

I looked at her and said, “Have you got a pen.”

She said, “I sure do.

"I said, “Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”

…My dental surgery is on Monday.

 

[TEKGROW]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

 

[TEKGROW]

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

 

[TEKGROW]

Two guys were picked up by the cops for selling drugs and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said:

You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and persuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one:

"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honour, I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever."
"10 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honour. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)

"Well, your honour, I persuaded 50 people to give up drugs forever."
"50 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison...."

Hahaaaa haa.... ordering a case of wallets off of ebay asap

New Home Depot Scam


A big 'Heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot or Lowes customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Back in November, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your purchases into the back of your SUV or Truck. They both have battery powered car vacuums and start vacuuming the inside of your vehicle, cleaning the inside of your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their coats.
It is impossible not to look at them. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds or the closest fast food restaurant. You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, breasts everywhere, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen on December 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the15th, 17th, 20th, the 24th and 29th. Also on January 2nd & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, three times last Monday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $1.99 each.

 

[TEKGROW]

I got 5 on it


1. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

2. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

3. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

4. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

5. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

 

[TEKGROW]

What's the generic form of Viagra??



Mycoxafloppin.

Hahsaaa o shyt.. i just saw this one in Dr. Office ..had to leave out, spittin out Gatorade. .[emoji25]