G
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gotblunt
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Thanks for fixing my picture lol 
Northern Grower
OGwanKushObie
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goood god!!!!
Chicken Surprise
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise', The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
And she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. 'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. 'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise', The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
And she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. 'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. 'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'
So I called Apple looking for a job, but they didn`t have any left..
Apple says Steve Jobs funeral will cost $200,000. Samsung can do it for $200....
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.
A cow, an ant and a tosser are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something.
Apple says Steve Jobs funeral will cost $200,000. Samsung can do it for $200....
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.
A cow, an ant and a tosser are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something.
Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building Drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says:
"You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
Building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the
Building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back
Into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar,
But says nothing.
The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in heck that
Could happen!"
"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."
He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the
Street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him
Around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the
Elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is astonished.
"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must've been a one-time
Fluke. That was scientifically impossible!"
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again, just
As his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently
Carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the
Elevator back to the bar.
Once upstairs, he successfully urges his dubious fellow drinker to try
It.
"Well, what the heck," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works, so
I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward -
Rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ....his body hits the
Sidewalk with a loud "splat."
Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns to
The first drinker, and shakes his head. He says,
"You know, Superman, you're a real a*+*##^ * when you're drunk."
"You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
Building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the
Building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back
Into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar,
But says nothing.
The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in heck that
Could happen!"
"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."
He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the
Street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him
Around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the
Elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is astonished.
"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must've been a one-time
Fluke. That was scientifically impossible!"
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again, just
As his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently
Carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the
Elevator back to the bar.
Once upstairs, he successfully urges his dubious fellow drinker to try
It.
"Well, what the heck," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works, so
I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward -
Rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ....his body hits the
Sidewalk with a loud "splat."
Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns to
The first drinker, and shakes his head. He says,
"You know, Superman, you're a real a*+*##^ * when you're drunk."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
At a wine merchant the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They gave him a glass to drink.
He tried it and said, "It's a Muscat, three Years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers". Low grade but acceptable.
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass....
"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.."
"Correct."
A third glass...
''It's a pinot Blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive’’ calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They gave him a glass to drink.
He tried it and said, "It's a Muscat, three Years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers". Low grade but acceptable.
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass....
"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.."
"Correct."
A third glass...
''It's a pinot Blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive’’ calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."
