And at the same time, my mom is being her typical narcissistic boomer lead brain damaged self.
Step 1 - Do horrible inexcusable shit like make your son feel like shit for not taking abuse from his father, despite divorcing that very same guy for being abusive.
Step 2 - When you get called out for being a piece of shit and expecting others to take the very same abuse you walked away from, demand that they "put it behind them" and "stop bringing it up and making everyone upset." For the love of god, NEVER apologize for your wrong doing.
Step 3 - If that horrible inexcusable shit ever gets brought up every again, go back to step 2. "I thought we agreed to put this behind us!".
If you point out its really easy to put something behind you when you were in the wrong, rather than the person being wronged, just keep harping on step 2. "We agreed to put this behind us and move on."
Its a fool proof system.
Theres gonna be a whole bunch of people my parent's age that in 20 years wonder why their kids and grandkids never come visit them in the nursing home.