Mephisto Genetics Duckster does Mephisto

[Duckster]

LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.'
'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural.
I don't see what the problem is..'
'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'

 

[Duckster]

QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session,
'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'

 

[Duckster]

SEX & ARGUMENTS
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary
The husband yelled, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold as Ever'.'
'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'

 

[Duckster]

WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.'
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

 

[Duckster]

ELDERLY SEX
One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...he could also fly.'

 

[Duckster]

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
The demon asked, "Why so glum?"
The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"
The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.
"You better believe it!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie You're already dead, remember?"
"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.

You into drugs?"
The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."
"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
The demon said, "You gay?"
"No."
"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

 

[Duckster]

A bit of time for an update on the twins. Wasn't able to find the time last weekend, another softball tournament ate up all of my time. Lots of good plays and a couple of home runs, but my girls still ended with a 2nd place finish. They should have won but a few bad calls in the final game cost us. Oh well, they had fun, no injuries, fewer sunburns, and good practice for them, so a good weekend.

And now for an update on the other girls. Day 40 for the Toofless Alien twins. Still twins but no longer identical.

Thing 1 has stretched up to 24" but is starting to slow with only 1/2" in the last 24hrs. She has lots of bud sites but not as many as her sister. But the buds that she has, are already starting to swell much more than her sister's.

Thing 2 is now up to 26.5" and still going. Lots of bud sites but not very big. Most of her energy is going into growing. I'm thinking this one is going to have a huge cola just like the last one.

Got to mix feed for the week and do the weekend yard chores so that's it for now. Thanks for taking an interest. And for those of you in the US - hug a vet.

 

[Wile e Peyote]

A bit of time for an update on the twins. Wasn't able to find the time last weekend, another softball tournament ate up all of my time. Lots of good plays and a couple of home runs, but my girls still ended with a 2nd place finish. They should have won but a few bad calls in the final game cost us. Oh well, they had fun, no injuries, fewer sunburns, and good practice for them, so a good weekend.

And now for an update on the other girls. Day 40 for the Toofless Alien twins. Still twins but no longer identical.

Thing 1 has stretched up to 24" but is starting to slow with only 1/2" in the last 24hrs. She has lots of bud sites but not as many as her sister. But the buds that she has, are already starting to swell much more than her sister's.

View attachment 576284 View attachment 576283 View attachment 576282 View attachment 576281 View attachment 576280

Thing 2 is now up to 26.5" and still going. Lots of bud sites but not very big. Most of her energy is going into growing. I'm thinking this one is going to have a huge cola just like the last one.

View attachment 576279 View attachment 576278 View attachment 576277 View attachment 576276 View attachment 576275

Got to mix feed for the week and do the weekend yard chores so that's it for now. Thanks for taking an interest. And for those of you in the US - hug a vet.

looking very nice ducks looks like thing 1 might be a fast finisher for you and thing 2 is going to be a big girl great growing dude and keep the jokes coming makes me and take this for a pair of stellar ladies

 

[redrobbo]

Looking great Ducks,theyre shaping up nicely.

 

[Duckster]

Many thanks for the rep and kind words lads. Rain is forecast for this weekend, so hoping to catch up on some of my AFN reading. In the meantime a chuckle for the day.

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.
But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year. . that in one year the windows would pay for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back.
Guess I must have won that silly argument.