A guy stands up after drinking for a while, gets the whirlies, and pukes down the front of his shirt. He says, "Oh no! This is a brand new shirt! My wife is gonna kill me!" His friend says, "No problem, here's what you do. Stick a $20 bill in your shirt pocket, and when you get home pull it out and tell your wife another guy puked on you, and he gave you the 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned." The guy says, "That's brilliant!"
So he walks in the door and his wife takes one look and says, "Oh my god, you've been out drinking again, and you ruined a brand new shirt!" He says, "No, honey, it wasn't me, another guy puked on me, but he gave me $20 to have the shirt cleaned," and he hands her the money. She says, "There's $40 here." He says, "Oh yeah, and on the way home, he shit in my pants."