Mephisto Genetics Duckster does Mephisto

[Duckster]

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.


When she asked me why, I replied,


"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

 

[Duckster]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said,


'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight began...

 

[Duckster]

My wife was at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunk swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.


I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, he's my old boyfriend. He began drinking right after we split up years ago, and hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started..

 

[Duckster]

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Lots of dust."

And then the fight started...

 

[Duckster]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 255 in about 2 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.....

 

[Duckster]

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for benefits.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left it at home. I told the woman I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said,


'Unbutton your shirt'.


So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver chest hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social


Security application.

When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten


disability too.'

And then the fight started...

 

[Duckster]

My wife was standing naked, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'


I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."


That's when the fight began ....

 

[Duckster]

I rear-ended a car this morning ... the start of a really bad day!


The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started....

 

[Nicker32]

Hahaha man keep them coming! I am stealing some of these....

Thanks for sharing and the laughs again Duckster.

 

[Duckster]

No need to steal - free for the taking. Just share a little laughter with someone.