OMG, I so feel your pain. It's too real and folks who have never experienced it can't understand.
PTSD snuck up on me. I didn't even know what it was until I went for help...which didn't.
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My father passed unexpectedly when I was barely 20. 30 plus years later and now friends and family are dropping too quick. Each passing cripples me for days to weeks, and each is worse than the last.
No doubt in my mind if I did not have a garden to tend during the cold months, I wouldn't be here. Even when I'm in my best place, I'd rather I went next than to suffer another loss and the crippling effects of PTSD.