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[FONT="][/FONT][FONT="]Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Please select from the following options menu:[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.[/FONT]
[FONT="]This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Please select from the following options menu:[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.[/FONT]
[FONT="]If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.[/FONT]
[FONT="]This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.[/FONT]
