Indoor Dragons

[Trapper]

Good luck with your benevolent endeavors! Good on yah!

 

[sniper]

Mossy said... NC..were you here when I made the metalic Silver cross..?..have you ever Seen her..

I don't think he was mossy but I remember the aluminum dragon

Wish that one was stabilized

 

[Anthropolis]

Good workings nc420! Thank you for helping veterans get medicine, that means something special to me and warms my heart. If there's anything a humble Anthropolis could ever do to help ya, don't hesitate to lemme know

 

[nc420_KY_BotanicalDOC]

You can see the Black one easier in this shot..your pheno just overwhelmed her in the pot.


NC..were you here when I made the metalic Silver cross..?..have you ever Seen her..

I wasn't, But I thought about what wonders you must have been working whilst I was staying stagnant like old water. But, Better safe than sorry I've been told.
I've grown a bit more chill and mindful of the world around me while i was afn awol, I took a few trips to come to terms with a few things that were haunting my soul. No matter how happy the environment it seemed like I was miles away looking in on myself and hating what I saw.

I had the good fortune to acquire some 2c-e and a quarter lb of top shelf shroomage. So for a month or so I stayed in my hunting cabin miles from nowhere and took trips into my soul to weedout what ever it was that made living a chore. After 26 days of trip a day rest a day I came home with a new colourful outlook on life and what it meant for me.
That is until I figured out what planted those seeds in the first place... My mentally abusive father, I know I know cry cry rite? Everyone wines that their father or mother doesnt treat them rite but my stories could make a coroner cringe.
Theres nothing like being 13 and told that you'll never be worth the shit on your shoe or the spit at your feet. Most ppl would have strived to show otherwise but me, well I figured if the people that i love and are supposed to love me say that I'm nothing than hey maybe their rite.

I'm 25 and still fighting this battle within myself, Some days you'll find me curled with knees to my chest pondering if my family may actually be better off if i just disappear into the void.
I had what was the one and onlything that made me feel whole, Made me feel loved and needed. A very beautiful girl with piercing eyes and loving caress, She made me forget my self pitty and I lived only for her.
Got engaged after 12 months of live in trial, One night we got a little to caught in the moment and today makes 6-1/2 months pregnant with my child. I am so frightened that I will not know how to be a good father, I was never taught.
I'm scared that once this child is old enough to think for itself that it will see whatever it is that my father sees in me that makes his heart go cold and tongue like a lash.

I'm always just one step away of the cliff, I have somewhat normal productive life on one side that still doesnt seem fit to my father and on the other side is the most terrifying thing that I will ever see or know and that is throwing my hands up and going down the road of a junky that is just hoping for relief as soon as possible but it scares me because I am not very sure what that relief is.

Time to take clonazepam and my suboxone, I can tell by the empty feeling that I have skipped my evening dose.
Marijuana is the most fantastic release for my psychi, I fear i'm at the door of lunasy and when the knob starts to turn I fear that I will not have control of what lies beyond.

It is deff over due for a brain cleaning, 45mg 2c-e just down the hatch...

I'll be in the hands of the universe for the next 36 hours or so, I just hope I get what I need while I'm there. Could use some karma my way guys, I fear I'm slipping a bit and hopefuly the 2c-e will guide me through my deepest being helping me find my purpose and I need to see that I am Good I need to know that i'm not just a knot on an otherwise perfect log throwing the whole thing out of balance.

I feel it coming, time to visit the mind of Ryan and rerun some circuitry change a fuse or 2...

nc420

 

[yodabuds]

:karma Cloud: YOU ARE NOT ALONE brother! I know that right around your age around 26 (now in my 40's) I started to grow shrooms for the same reason, to help find my way.... I haven't done shrooms since and haven't felt the need (as of lately though I've been teetering the last few years on the edge)
Hang in there! Don't be a afraid to be a father, your going to be GREAT!
The dragons have ALWAYS calmed the crazy in my head, also this time of the year with the weather changes and people's PH's go out of whack and we feel "off"... Sending :karma Cloud: and love and healing your way! If YA ever need anything I'm just a pm a way
:Sharing One:

 

[Duggy]

:karma Cloud::hug::Sharing One:

 

[Mossy]

I'll be in the hands of the universe for the next 36 hours or so, I just hope I get what I need while I'm there. Could use some karma my way guys, I fear I'm slipping a bit and hopefuly the 2c-e will guide me through my deepest being helping me find my purpose and I need to see that I am Good I need to know that i'm not just a knot on an otherwise perfect log throwing the whole thing out of balance.

I feel it coming, time to visit the mind of Ryan and rerun some circuitry change a fuse or 2...

nc420

NC..you have a Bad Winter Crash going off Bud...:hug:...get through your 36 hours them come in and Talk to the Med Mods..we have Simple methods that will Lift it for you.


You have a depression on..let us Help you out of it and you will Know how to Relieve it on your Patients..:tiphat:..Big Mossy Hugs sent...



:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Feenix]

Life 1.0 does not come with a clear user manual.
There are thousands of books presenting as many upgrade opinions, but none are iron clad rules to live by. Even the Bible has riddles.. There is no "One size fits all".

You actually have a jump start on how not to treat a loved one. As painful as your memories are, they define the basic right and wrong that yours and too many other parents just never learned.

You are not automatically destined to repeat their mistakes because you know better from your own experiences.

This blue funk will pass. As will your fears of parenthood.

Love trumps doubt every time.

 

[Anthropolis]

It's the dirty little secret of humanity, nobody knows what the heck it's all about lol. If anyone says they have life figured out, they're either lying, delusional, or selling something hahaa!

The only hope is, maybe just in time to depart this plane of existence, or earlier if you're really enlightened, we might almost maybe have our own selves figured out.

 

[TxOld Dude]

I'm 25 and still fighting this battle within myself, Some days you'll find me curled with knees to my chest pondering if my family may actually be better off if i just disappear into the void.
I had what was the one and onlything that made me feel whole, Made me feel loved and needed. A very beautiful girl with piercing eyes and loving caress, She made me forget my self pitty and I lived only for her.
Got engaged after 12 months of live in trial, One night we got a little to caught in the moment and today makes 6-1/2 months pregnant with my child. I am so frightened that I will not know how to be a good father, I was never taught.
I'm scared that once this child is old enough to think for itself that it will see whatever it is that my father sees in me that makes his heart go cold and tongue like a lash.

Just show the child love and PATIENCE and you'll do ok! I know it's not my place, but I have seen so much of this in my life. Fill your life UP with your wife and child. Allow their love to fill those voids. You learn to be a father along the way.

Realize that your father DIDN'T DESERVE YOU as a son. See him for what he was and push that away and out of your mind. This is your life now and what went before, IS NO MORE. Letting go is the hardest thing, but you must...let...go! Dedicate all you are to THIS family and the rest will fade away.

I had a father who was never there and was a cheater. He even took me with a couple times. Once when I was 6 and another time at 7 years old. To forgive him I had to face him with it and I remembered every detail of both occasions. Completely freaked him out when I told him the day, location, weather, season, and what was on the TV he put me in front of to keep me occupied. The first time I was 6 and it was Sunday in North Houston out FM1960, it was a rainy fall late afternoon, it was chilly a bit, it was an a-typical light colored brick house next to some high tension power lines. We went through the garage door into a darkened den where he sat me down in front of a little B/W set on the little wire rack stand to watch "Lost In Space". I'm 52 now and I told him this 2 years ago. Can you imagine the look on his face? Sweet revenge? Not hardly. But it helped to get all that out.

Sorry if i crossed the line here, but Dad issues are universal for some of us. You don't have to forgive him (but you should try), and you won't ever forget, but you need to make sure you don't do the things he did. He is not who YOU are. YOU decide your fate and fortune. He says your worthless? Prove him wrong and be the husband and father he wasn't.
THAT is how you get revenge!

Do that and you'll make it, Bro!

Break the cycle.

Prayin' for ya! (and hopefully building fire under ass!)
:hug:

Fish