New Grower Ex-wife/Life problems advice is appreciated

[Kakarot]

What's up guys I am not sure if this is the right place to post this or not but it is general discussion so I thought I would toss it in there. My personal life is so fucked my bud Sniper knows somewhat about it as we have chatted. My ex-wife, we have a 2 year old girl together that I have full custody of, well in short after 4 years of being together, 2 of it married we decided to get or really she decided she wanted a divorce. Reason being I was sick with kidney issues in and out the hospital and I was never home because of that, are you confused yet? Because I am. Here comes some more mind fuckery, about a week after the divorce is final and the custody is final she decided she wants to work shit out, well me being me I say why not well we were supposed to just date but ended up moving back in together and everything went south fast and that lasted for about 2 or 3 months, well after that she decides she wants to call it quits again and and this point I am like ok who gives a shit this is stupid. So 2 more months go by... Same shit she says I love you I don't want to be with anyone else yadda yadda. Well me being me again and the fact we do have a daughter and she has 3 other kids that are pretty much mine because all of there dad's are pieces of shit, I say ok but actually enforce the not living together and take things slow approach, the problem with her is she is very hostile with the kids and me, I want to help her but the shit is like night and day, she has been and is a drug user and drinker. I have been sober for 8 years and I have my feet planted firmly it is just the fact that she trys to rub it in my face or something,as of now I am writing this on my phone and she is laying beside me, I do love her , I want us to be a family but she makes it damn near impossible as already for this 3rd and final time around I am already seeing those traits in her that she is supposdly trying to change.. hostility, anger, drug use/drinking, mental abuse toward me and the kids. Since I took our daughter and moved out I started growing and smoking again for medical reasons it really helps my mental state and damn near all the physical problems, SHE HATES that I have this to the point I told her I stopped because she fucking ruins it and frankly she makes my physical and mental problems worse, if it was not for this site and my friend, Sniper that got me reintroduced to smoking for medical reasons and growing for my own mental reasons I really do not know what the hell I would do, thank you for listening guys, anyone has any comments or advice it would be appreciated, much love.

 

[paddler54]

My brother I honestly have never been in the situation that you just described, but well I think a marriage counselor might be in order. You have to remember though people have to want to change. Good luck brother, please keep us informed, we do care.
By the way, as an exbartender I can tell you there are a hell of a lot more asshole drunks then there are asshole stoners.

 

[dankstyle J]

Man I have lady problems to best of luck man I got no advice that's good,I mean I aways have some drama till I am alone and by myself probably be moving into a super small junky trailer in the worst trailer park still I smile guess I'm kinda rolling stone

 

[Spanglish]

Don't sound like a good place to be my brother but great to hear through your daughter and your hobby of growing you can get your mind back on track.

As for your ex as Paddler says if she don't want to help herself then there just is not way to help her, so you just got to listen to your head and your heart and live life for you and your daughter doing whats best for the both of you, and if at some point down the road her mother wants to and gets the help she needs then great, but dont let life pass you by waiting.

One thing my own life has taught me recently while watching my mother in law pass on and seeing my father in law slipping away this morning, is that life is not neverending and you cant take back time so dont lose it waiting on something or someone to change, just grab life by the balls and live it for the people who truly love you and i think in this happiness can be found.

 

[paddler54]

Nicely said Spanglish.

 

[hecno]

Ma man , please take time out and think , I would leave in a nice way . You well never be happy where you are at the moment , I hear your pain as your are reaching out , if you hang in the pain you feel will harden your heart , Life is to short and I can not see you being happy in the long term , I have been with the same lady 25 years and if you don't feel the love in your heart it is not there .I do feel for you mate,

 

[paddler54]

Don't sound like a good place to be my brother but great to hear through your daughter and your hobby of growing you can get your mind back on track.

As for your ex as Paddler says if she don't want to help herself then there just is not way to help her, so you just got to listen to your head and your heart and live life for you and your daughter doing whats best for the both of you, and if at some point down the road her mother wants to and gets the help she needs then great, but dont let life pass you by waiting.

One thing my own life has taught me recently while watching my mother in law pass on and seeing my father in law slipping away this morning, is that life is not neverending and you cant take back time so dont lose it waiting on something or someone to change, just grab life by the balls and live it for the people who truly love you and i think in this happiness can be found.

Spanglish I grieve for you and your wife's loss. Your family is in our hearts too bro. How are you fairing?

 

[dingo]

Sorry to hear your life is so complicated. Even if you still love her, it sounds like the two of you are not compatible for any long term relationship. Also sounds like she has a self destructive personality and any relationship she develops will most likely become toxic. Life is far too short to squander on people that are not ready(and may never be ready) for a mature and meaningful relationship. Good luck making the right decision with the rest of your life. It's the kids that always get hurt but staying together may be even more harmful to them that staying apart.

Life does not need to suck! Your decisions will decide if life continues to suck or not. Sorry again to hear you are really down and need to express your feelings on this site, there are plenty of good minded folk here that will support you emotionally through this rough patch.

 

[Kakarot]

Don't sound like a good place to be my brother but great to hear through your daughter and your hobby of growing you can get your mind back on track.

As for your ex as Paddler says if she don't want to help herself then there just is not way to help her, so you just got to listen to your head and your heart and live life for you and your daughter doing whats best for the both of you, and if at some point down the road her mother wants to and gets the help she needs then great, but dont let life pass you by waiting.

One thing my own life has taught me recently while watching my mother in law pass on and seeing my father in law slipping away this morning, is that life is not neverending and you cant take back time so dont lose it waiting on something or someone to change, just grab life by the balls and live it for the people who truly love you and i think in this happiness can be found.

Spanglish ever since I have joined the community you have always been very cool, I really appreciate it and thank you. If there is ever anything I can do to help you brother let me know and I will to the best of my ability.

 

[Kakarot]

That goes for anyone of my brothers on here I would gladly help anyone of you guys to the best of my abilities, thank you for the wisdom and love that you have shown.